A New Spring

So happy to see

birds returning to my tree,

and squirrels too, at play.

Spring has come. I feel so blessed

to just be here, and be free.

~~~~~~~~~~

Joyce E. Mannhalter

In true Tanka form I welcome a new season, a new spring. The cold winter months might be gone for a season, but often there is another one or two big snowstorms that hit before really warm temperatures announce it summer.

It has been a long, dry season in my writing too, not because I did not want to post or write, but other things and obligations took precedence over that. During that period it was a time of self-reflection and I needed to prioritize what was most important at the time. It was a time of growth too, both spiritually and in learning how to become more self-sufficient as I am now single again. I am so grateful and thankful for the way God has revealed His plan and purpose in my life and shown me how much more I need to trust Him.

“Casting all your care upon Him; for he careth for you.” I Peter 5:7 KJV

A Happy Spring to all,

JEM

When to Him

When to Him I come and ask

for wisdom and understanding

to the questions I have,

with few answers to all that confuses the soul,

and though yet I trust Him

I know not what to do,

I ask still again, What is God doing?

What is the lesson here to be learned?

for too often I ask as if still to plead,

Did you not hear my prayer and my need?

There isn’t any doubt to all I believe,

but so often it’s hard to persevere,

and I wait on Him and think to myself,

did I not get it? Did I not hear?

And then, it is dawn and I see the sun

break through the clouds and fog now gone.

Sometimes it is like that with our heavy heart

when we are impatient, awaiting a breakthrough,

but soon rewarded; behold the Son.

__________________

Joyce E Mannhalter (C) 2019

And therefore will the Lord wait, that he may be gracious unto you, and therefore will be exalted, that he may have mercy upon you; for the Lord is a God of judgement; blessed are all they that wait for him. Isaiah 30:18 KJV Old Testament

 

 

 

 

A year like none other

It has been a year unlike any I have ever experienced in my life. Sometimes, because of our choice or decisions made there are circumstances that change or alter the course or direction for our lives. Other times it is God who has appointed and chosen one for us by allowing things to happen that require us to set out on a new path. We might wonder what He had in mind or wanted to accomplish in it. But we can only appreciate it if we realize He is teaching us to grow and learn how to trust him. It was that way with me this last year, although it was difficult and challenging.

I have so often thought and wondered what it must have been like for Mary, the mother of Jesus as she tried to understand or comprehend why she in her tender teenage years was chosen to be the one God used to carry and deliver His gift to the world. What a tremendous challenge it must have been for her as maybe she thought or wondered if she was worthy or ready for it. Maybe she went through a time of doubt or unbelief while hoping people, family and friends would see and understand that she was not a woman to be shamed, stoned or ostracized, pregnant with a child before her espoused marriage to Joseph, but instead God’s chosen vessel by appointment to deliver the Savior, King and Redeemer to a lost and sinful world. Scripture tells us there was great joy and jubilation at the birth of Jesus as angels heralded his birth before men. (Luke 2:9-18). But not all were rejoicing in his birth as King Herod sought him out to kill him. (Matthew 2:1-16). At that time of celebration and jubilation she had no knowledge or thought that one day she would weep for Jesus’s suffering too, as once again He would be sought out and killed. Yet, He went willingly to the cross for all. (Luke, chapters 22 & 23).

We cannot fully appreciate and comprehend the miraculous birth of Jesus, born to a virgin or His death and resurrection until we fully appreciate the new and miraculous rebirth in our own lives. The rebirth of our soul is only dependent on this one thing; that we believe in Jesus, the Son of God who came to forgive us our sin and trespasses and offer us hope and a new life. John 3:16&17. I cannot imagine what my life would be like if not knowing my Savior during this difficult year. It is what held me up, what lifted me during my down times, what buoyed me when I felt I was being pushed under with the strain and stress.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all my faithful blogging friends and readers who have visited my blog through the last year, and for all the kind comments, feedback, thoughts and prayers as I went through a difficult period of my life with a divorce and relocation, as I set out on a new path of my own. We cannot know what our tomorrows bring, but we can grow through them, and learn to trust God as we move forward.

Merry Christmas and God bless you and yours in 2019.

_________________

Joyce E. Mannhalter (Johnson) (Dec. 2018)

Posted December 14, 2018 by Joyce in Chrisitanity, Christmas, Devotional, Faith, My Writings

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Reflecting back on things learned

Each morning when I rise I reflect

on things God is showing me new each day

if not with words I often write,

but with an audible voice to say,

God, how do I pray? Show me your way.

Life brings us troubles we don’t understand,

things that move us the way they do,

and the emotion whelms up inside our soul

and we need a forgiving and loving heart

for one whose life spins out of control,

one who needs help but there’s much we don’t know,

so in my place of quiet solitude

where my mind is stilled and I ponder all,

and for once not ask for myself to receive,

but offer up my prayers and pleas

for the one who needs divine intervention.

It is what God asks me to do,

it is what I do now, because I believe.

___________________

Joyce E. Mannhalter (C) 2018

As I think back on this last year and what I have gone through with the challenges God put in my path there were times when I didn’t know if I could get through it. But, as time went on I realized it was the prayers and support of friends that cared when sometimes I didn’t know what to do because of the pain, bitterness and unforgiveness I carried in my heart. But, God calls us to have a forgiving and understanding heart and pray for the one who has hurt us. In Colossians 3:13 it says, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Luke 6: 28 “Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”

I am so thankful for what I have learned through this last year as I went through a painful divorce. It has made me grow spiritually. This is the season of thanksgiving as we enter into a time of celebration of the birth of God’s son, and give thanks for what we have, and this is what I am most thankful for. Life is full of lessons in our journey and there is much we can learn and reflect back on. It can change us in ways that make us a better person. I believe it has done that for me. I want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. God bless you and yours.

Joyce E. Mannhalter, Nov. 2018

More like home

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where corn grows ready waiting the harvest

and granaries are tall white towers

stretching upwards into bright skies.

Where trees, large and twisted

their bark like wrinkles baked in the sun,

with heavy foliage on hanging branches

 bow low to the ground now covered in leaves,

and busy little squirrels scurrying around.

 The sound of trains rumbling down the tracks,

the blast of a noon day whistle heard,

with the semis and tractors sharing the road

between quaint shops that line the street;

a bank, a post office, grocery and gas pump.

Are all beginning to feel more like home.

_________________

Joyce E. Mannhalter © Oct. 2018

 

 

 

Change

Change is not something I do well. My old ‘routine’, or to put it more aptly my personal agenda was like wearing a comfortable, favorite pair of old shoes or blue jeans. But, even a new pair of shoes or blue jeans has to be broken in until softer and loose enough to easily slip on.

But change is what my past year has been like since making some tough decisions in my life, good or bad. And when those changes come with a new name, address, relocation and relationships and all that goes with it there comes with it a time to stop and rethink priorities, goals for the future, and focus on what is immediate and most important; things that must be dealt with here and now.

There have been many who wondered, questioned or just stood by and prayed while I and my husband went through a divorce this last summer, and a broken marriage after fifty-two years together. The serious mental illness and suicide attempts my husband suffered through 2017 and  2018  became more than I could handle physically, mentally and emotionally. I had to make a decision that was not only very difficult, but I knew things would never be the same for us again. When I filed for divorce and we put our house and properties we owned jointly up for sale other things followed that made it harder to bear as the months went by. My husband became unpredictable, with varied mood swings and personality changes that shocked everyone who knew him, and frightened those of us who once loved him; our two daughters, our grandchildren, family and friends, and myself included.

When he started buying up and carrying around guns, deliberately threatening the lives of others and demonstrating a delusional, hallucinating mind and personality that conjured up stories we knew were not true, driving around with reckless abandonment, and pursuing women on internet match sites I knew I could not stay married to a man I hardly knew anymore.  I had to put my life and future at the forefront, find a new place to live and put my trust in an unfailing God who I knew would never leave, or forsake me. I knew God would walk with me through the shadow of dispelling darkness and despair I felt engulfed in, though at times I wondered if I would ever find my way through it. But, I was not alone. I had the support and prayers of friends and family, who knew the struggle I was going through.

During the months following he committed a serious crime, and the felony landed him in jail. He faced court hearings, convictions, a possible prison sentence, and numerous months of mental and psychic evaluations. For months I was angry, deeply hurt and resentful of all that he had put me through. But, deep down I knew he was a very sick man, that something had claimed his mind and soul causing his problems or contributing to all that he’d done. The many medications he took were adjusted and one by one each possible diagnosis came back unconfirmed. Things would never be the same for him. As for me, I was determined to grow through the experience and become the person God was shaping me to be. But, I knew I would need to make changes in my own personal agenda and reset my priorities. There would be no comfortable routine.

In Philippians 3:13 & 14 the apostle Paul speaks of his own experience; “Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” NIV I hung onto that hope that God was working in my life and I believed He would do a work in my husband’s life as well, that one day he would be healed and made whole again.

There will always be many unanswered questions as to why and how one could change so much that no one recognized him anymore. After the divorce and the sale of our home I set out on my own to relocate, buy another house in another state, and took a long break from blogging and social media sites. I have now taken back my maiden name of Mannhalter and though it is becoming once again more familiar and comfortable like my old sneakers and blue jeans when signing my name I will remember forever the fifty-two years I had with the once wonderful, giving, loving man I married when I was Joyce E. Johnson.

Joyce E. Mannhalter (October 2018)

 

Posted October 12, 2018 by Joyce in blogging, Faith, My Writings

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Longing for a tranquil place

 

             Sunset over Lake McConaughy, Ogallala, Ne.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My soul longs for a tranquil place,

filled with still and quiet peace where a bird’s joyful song

is a moment not taken for granted, but seized,

times when God shows mercy and grace,

and I feel His presence commanding my space,

like the sun’s warm rays stretched over still waters,

and the wind that sends ripples across the lake.

It is with searching heart I gaze into the skies

knowing the testing of my faith

implores a renewed and courageous strength, 

so I’ll not doubt His word, but trust 

Him in those things I don’t understand

 regardless the outcome, whatever it be

for I know that He does have a purpose and plan,

and my life and future secure in His hands.

______________

Joyce E. Johnson © 2018

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